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The funniest thing i have read in ages!

Friday, June 25th, 2010 | Miscellaneous | No Comments

I was sent an email today and it is without doubt the funniest thing i have read in years. I want to start a David Thorne appreciation society for his humor! absolute quality.

it was an email sent internally im assuming between a person in the admin team to their design team. Read the email below.

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.20am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Poster

Hi

I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.

This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.

Thanks Shan.

Missy

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened and alone… possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out “Shannon, where are you?”

Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.

Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Poster

yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

I never said I don’t like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short. As the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham ‘Choose Life’ t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a foul stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat.

Attached poster as requested.

Missy

Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

It’s a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.

Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don’t come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun.

I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.

Regards, David.

Missy

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say Lost.

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Missy

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Awww

Dear Shannon,

I don’t have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend’s cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn’t have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.

I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.

Regards, David.

Missy

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Awww

Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says “I haven’t seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?” you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.

I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.

Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Missy

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Missy

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Missy

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Fine. That will have to do.

This literally had me in tears. Love the negative space.

Only Human

Thursday, June 24th, 2010 | Miscellaneous | No Comments

Whilst reading an article on the BBC website, my eagle eyes (which are not always so sharp) noticed a spelling mistake - this made me feel really good, because I seem to drop them in all the time. And for the BBC to do it, it must be ok every now and then - we are only human. (lets hope the writer doesn’t get sacked for this!)

We are only human

Tags: bbc

Impact Raising Money For Cancer Research

Friday, April 3rd, 2009 | Company News, Miscellaneous | No Comments

Impact Raising Money For Cancer Research UK

James at Impact Media is running (or walking) 5k to raise money for the Bobby Moore fund for Cancer Research. The event is taking place on the 5th July 2009.

Bobby Moore of course was one of the most capped England players and a West Ham favourite who died of bowel cancer in 1993. Run For Moore is an event to raise awareness of bowel cancer and most importantly raise money so that Cancer Research can help beat it.

We are looking to raise £500 to do our bit this year, to help out a needy charity. If you are reading this and want to help, great. Please follow the link at the bottom of the page.

Please donate what you can to support both Impact and Cancer Research, Although the world is in a recession, the people that are losing out the most are of course charities, who constantly rely on donations from us to operate. If you can please spare what you can to allow us to raise money for what we feel to be one of the most important charities around. All money raised directly funds research into bowel cancer, a disease diagnosed in over 36,500 people in the UK each year.

Donating through Justgiving is quick, easy and totally secure. It’s also the most efficient way to sponsor James: Cancer Research UK gets your money faster and, if you’re a UK taxpayer, Justgiving makes sure 25% in Gift Aid, plus a 3% supplement, are added to your donation.

So please sponsor him now!

http://www.justgiving.com/impactmedia

For more information or to join James in his run please visit the Run For Moore website. http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/runformoore/

Tags: cancer researc, charity run

Impact Media F.C Tops Table

Wednesday, January 21st, 2009 | Company News, Impact @ Play | No Comments

Being football fanatics - well James in particular. We decided to launch a 6-aside football team called…wait for it…Impact Media F.C!

We play every Monday night at Gloucester Park in Basildon and we had our first league game Monday just gone, and claimed victory!

Beating Chalkend 3-0! and now we are top of the very small table (by alphabetical order, mind you)

First Game First Win

Hopefully next time we post we would be still topping the table, and as it is such a small league, the season should be over before we can blink!

Because we’re celebrating at the moment the Milky Bars are on us!

Tags: 6 aside, football, impact media fc

The Number One Recession Tip

Friday, January 9th, 2009 | Branding Tips, Impact @ Play, Miscellaneous | No Comments

Martin was speaking to a client the other day and asked how business was and if the recession had affected was affecting him, our client replied…

“I’m not taking part in the recession!”

Great, I love it. If every business shared this enthusiasm, no business would be finding business hard.

So when someone asks if you have been affected, just reply - “I’m simply not taking part”

Tags: recession, tips